This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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