I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
