Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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