so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
