i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
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I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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