I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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