No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
