I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Pants are for mortals
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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