Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
