I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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