that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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