I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
