I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
