mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
