Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
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The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
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I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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