can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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