I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
