She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
