I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
