What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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