my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
