there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize