Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
