Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
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He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
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It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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