Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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