I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
