U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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