You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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