Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with youâ€
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