Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
