The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
What drink are we having for lunch?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
