when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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