Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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