I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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