yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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