i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize