I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
