I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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