Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
