remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
