Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
