Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
