I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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