This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
