Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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