apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Randomize
