Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
