shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
