I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
