You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
