The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
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A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
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i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
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