Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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