I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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