what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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