i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I cockslap morals
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
