a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
