Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
