Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
