when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We need a shit load of segways right now
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
