it wasn't lemon gatorade
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
