I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
handjob tips. give me some.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So much rum. So many feels.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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