I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
