what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
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