dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
